The Time Trap

What an incredibly effective strategy Satan has implemented to weaken Christian homes. He truly is our cunning and deceitful adversary. Even though he is a defeated foe because of Calvary, he is still very active in opposing us. So, it would be wise for us to be familiar with his methods of operation so that we will not be duped by his “schemes” (Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. Eph. 6:11).

In a recent poll conducted on this blog, those who participated indicated that busy schedules are their number one obstacle to having consistent family devotional time. I am not surprised at all by those results because I believe this reveals the primary tactic Satan has employed to keep Christian families today from pursing God’s agenda for their lives.

I truly believe that Satan’s strategy is to use cultural pressure and expectations to tempt Christian families into overly committing themselves to activities that provide little or no spiritual benefits. Many Christian parents would agree that the spiritual health of their children should be their most important priority. But then, have to face multiple temptations to fall into the mainstream trap of allowing too many spiritually unproductive activities to soak up their discretionary time.

Gone are the days when a child would normally be allowed to play on one organized sport team each year. Today, children are pushed to become multi-sport athletes before they have even learned to run to first base after they hit the ball. While sports alone can be consuming (I am speaking from experience), a child learning to play a musical instrument or joining various clubs at school may be added to the schedule as well. Factor in a parent’s work schedule and individual interests and soon anything that might provide some spiritual benefit has been squeezed out of the picture.

Please, do not misinterpret what I am saying. The activities I mentioned are not bad things, and sometimes they do help teach your child discipline, teamwork, and diligence. However, parents must resist the pressure to over commit and then seek moderation so that spiritually beneficial activities are incorporated into their family’s schedule. I want to close by sharing a few thoughts that might help you win this battle for your family’s time.

-Avoid letting your schedule dictate your family’s priorities. What consumes your time, money and energy is by default your priority.

-Avoid the false guilt that you are in some way neglecting your child if you do not allow them to be involved in everything they wish. This also goes for material things as well.

-Avoid letting your child dictate your schedule. Children want to do everything and have no sense of moderation and time restraints. You are the adult so you determine your family’s schedule.

-Avoid the temptation to make the popular decision over the right decision when it comes to family activities. Parents are responsible for leading their family on a godly path not gaining popularity with their children. The pressure to be a “cool parent” is intense these days.

-Set aside “sacred time” every day for your family to have devotions together. Sacred time means that nothing gets scheduled over it and nothing prevents it except a true emergency. In the morning is typically the best time to have family devotions. However, you may find that a different time of day helps your family to be more consistent.

-Stay informed about church activities that are provided for families to participate in together. The newsletter and church website are good sources of information.

-Be proactive in planning opportunities for your family to eat, play, and talk with one another when you are at home together. If you are not a particularly creative person, like myself, there are resources at the Christian bookstore and online that can help give you some ideas.

-Remember, as Christians, we are swimming against the flow. Your family will look different from the cultural norm if you are truly making God’s agenda yours. Don’t mind if your family seems “peculiar.”

Ephesians 5:15-16 says “Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.” Are you walking wisely as you plan the use of your family’s time?

The Myth of Adolescence

This week I am posting an article written by Alex Harris. Alex and his 19 year old twin brother Brett are founders of TheRebelution.com website that is dedicated to challenging low expectations for teens. They are the most widely read teen authors on the web and are co-authors of the book Do Hard Things. This article is more lengthy that I usually post but it is well worth the time it takes to read.


The Myth of Adolescence
by Alex Harris

The trained elephant of India is a perfect picture of the power of psychological captivity. Tamed and utilized for its enormous strength, the great beast stands nearly 10 feet tall and weighs up to 5 tons when fully grown. Its tasks may include uprooting full-grown trees, hauling great boulders, and carrying enormous loads on its shoulders. And yet, when the day's work is done and this powerful beast must be kept from wandering off during the night, its owner simply takes a piece of twine, attaches it to a small branch embedded in the ground, and ties it around the elephant's right hind leg. Reason dictates that the elephant can easily snap the twine or pull the twig from the ground, and yet the owner does not worry, fully confident that when morning comes he will find the animal exactly where he left him. And he does.

I'll admit that upon first hearing of this practice, I couldn't decide which was harder to believe: that the owner was confident, or that his confidence proved justified. A beast that can uproot trees is suddenly unable to pull up a twig? What is it about the piece of twine and the small branch that allows them to subdue all of the elephant's power? I soon discovered that it had little to do with the twine around the elephant's ankle, and everything to do with invisible shackles around its mind.

My contention is simple: The young adults of our generation are the elephant. Our twine is the 20th century concept of adolescence. Our twig is societal expectations. We stand restrained as a hurting world burns around us. Yet our twine and twig are of a recent origin. Young adults of the past were not so encumbered.

David Farragut, the U. S. Navy's first admiral, became a midshipman on the warship Essex at the age of 10. At the age of 12, a mere boy by modern standards, Farragut was given command of his first ship, sailing a captured vessel, crew, and prisoners, back to the U. S. after a successful battle. Young David was given responsibility at an early age, and he rose to the occasion.

The father of our country, George Washington, though never thought to be particularly bright by his peers, began to master geometry, trigonometry, and surveying when he would have been a 5th or 6th grader in our day and ceased his formal education at 14 years of age. At the age of 16 he was named official surveyor for Culpepper County, Virginia. For the next three years, Washington earned nearly $100,000 a year (in modern purchasing power). By the age of 21, he had leveraged his knowledge of the surrounding land, along with his income, to acquire 2,300 acres of prime Virginia land.

These examples astound us in our day and age, but this is because we view life through an extra social category called 'adolescence', a category that would have been completely foreign to men and women just 100 years ago. Prior to the late 1800s there were only 3 categories of age: childhood, adulthood, and old age. It was only with the coming of the early labor movement with its progressive child labor laws, coupled with new compulsory schooling laws, that a new category, called adolescence, was invented. Coined by G. Stanley Hall, who is often considered the father of American psychology, 'adolescence' identified the artificial zone between childhood and adulthood when young people ceased to be children, but were no longer permitted by law to assume the normal responsibilities of adulthood, such as entering into a trade or finding gainful employment. Consequently, marriage and family had to be delayed as well, and so we invented 'the teenager', an unfortunate creature who had all the yearnings and capabilities of an adult, but none of the freedoms or responsibilities.

Teenage life became a 4-year sentence of continuing primary education and relative idleness known as 'high school' (four years of schooling which would later be repeated in the first two years of college). Abolished by law were the young Farraguts and young Washingtons, who couldn't spare the time to be children any longer than necessary. Cultivated instead was the culture we know today, where young people are allowed, encouraged, and even forced to remain quasi-children for much longer than necessary.

The effect of this seismic shift in America's philosophy of education is not limited to students in the public schools. As homeschoolers we may feel as though we have escaped the danger, but an honest evaluation proves that, as a whole, we also fall short of realizing our potential. After reading the examples of great men of our country's past, we should recognize that there is no reason why a 13 to 18 year old cannot behave as a responsible adult. History proves it is possible. Diverse cultures confirm its validity. The only thing holding young people back in America today is the twine of this perpetual recess called adolescence and the twig of lowered social expectations. We expect immaturity and irresponsibility, from ourselves and from one another, and that is exactly what we get.

I wrote of the great elephants of India, who, although they have the physical capacity to uproot trees during the day, can be restrained all night long by a piece of twine and a twig. How is this possible?

The elephant's training begins when it is still young and considerably less powerful. Removed from its mother, the elephant is then shackled with an iron chain to a large tree. For days and weeks on end, the baby elephant strains against its restraints, only to find that all exertion is useless. Then slowly, over a period of several weeks, sometimes months, smaller chains and smaller trees are used. Eventually, you can use a piece of twine and a small branch, and the great beast will not budge. Its mind is fully committed to the idea that it cannot go anywhere when there is something around its right hind leg.

And so I ask my generation, individually and corporately, "What is holding us back?" History demonstrates that we are far more capable than we think we are. Our failure to realize substantial achievement at early ages is due, not to any innate inadequacies on our part, but rather to our social conditioning. American society, with its media-saturated youth culture, not only follows trends and fads, but it creates them. Classrooms, TV shows, magazines, and websites are not only addressing us at the level of social expectations, but they are in fact dictating those expectations. They tell us how to act, think, and talk; they tell us what to wear, what to buy, and where to buy it; they tell us what to dream, what to value, and what to hate. We are being squeezed into a mold where there is no room for Christian character or competence. And as the famous proverb goes, "As the twig is bent, so grows the tree."

In what could be considered the most maddening aspect of this crisis, not all areas of maturity are being stunted. In a powerful demonstration of teenagers' ability to meet the expectations set before them, we witness young people today reaching unprecedented levels of technological proficiency and sexual experience. It is ironic that many teenagers, while fluent in multiple computer languages, are not expected to carry on an intelligent conversation with an adult. It is heartbreaking that so many young girls, while constantly pressed to become more and more sexually alluring, are not expected to attain any notable level of character beneath the surface.

Our world cannot last another generation of Christian young people who fit in. The shackles of society are on our minds and hearts, not our ankles. We are held back only by the myth of adolescence and the lies of social expectations. If we would only recognize that our restraints are illusory, and then let God's Word and all of history govern our sense of what we are capable of, we would be a force this world could no longer ignore.

We face a crisis and an opportunity. A crisis, in the sense that we can no longer afford to slowly drift towards adulthood, viewing the teen years as a vacation from responsibility, and an opportunity, in the sense that we can embrace life now and make a difference for the glory of God, and for the good of our family, our nation, and our world. Look down at your "ankle" and see the pathetic contrivance that has been restraining you. Now renew your mind in the light of God's Word and take a step forward.

Taming the Tongue

Sherron and I love to go on vacation to Charleston, South Carolina. We especially enjoy taking guided tours through this beautiful city to learn more about its rich history. One of our favorite places to spend time is around the old Slave Market area. We like it because this part of town presents numerous shopping opportunities for Sherron and plenty of eating opportunities for me. While taking one of the tours, we learned that the term “Slave Market” is very misleading for visitors. It implies that this was a place where slaves were sold and purchased. That is not the case. In fact, there are no historical records of the slave trade ever being conducted at this centuries old market.

The Slave Market earned its name for a less ominous reason. It was a typical outdoor market where people would go to purchase food and household items for their homes. Along with this came a multitude of butcher stands that provided meat and poultry for the shoppers. Because there were no strict sanitation laws in that day, the butchers simply discarded the blood and animal parts that they could not sell onto the roadside. You can imagine that in the summer heat of Charleston, it did not take long for these leftovers to turn into a rancid stinking mess! They say the odor was so bad that slave owners would not go to the market themselves but rather, send their slaves to endure the nauseating experience, hence, “The Slave Market.”

I share this historical account because it may help us to gain a better understanding of a biblical Greek word. The word is "sapros" and it means rotten, decayed, or putrefied. It was used in New Testament times when someone was describing meat or vegetables that were in the last stages of decomposition, such as existed around the Charleston Slave Market. It is the word Paul uses in Ephesians 4:29 when he says “Let no corrupt (sapros) word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.” Paul, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, uses a very graphic word to describe speech that is less than edifying and that does not “impart grace to the hearers.”

Corrupt words include, but are not limited to, cursing or taking the Lord’s name in vain. They also include words spoken with a bitter spirit, angry words, hurtful words, impatient words, gossip, slander, lying, exaggeration, and the like. Imagine, God describes the language that many Christians have trouble controlling, as being like rotten, rancid meat in His sight. If we would only have the same level of disgust that God has when we use “corrupt” words, maybe we would be more diligent in following Colossians 4:6 which states “Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.”

I wanted to share these thoughts here on the Family Ministry Blog because I believe the home is the environment where we are most likely to experience the deepest struggle. Why? Home is the place where our patience can be tested on almost a daily basis. It is the place where we will most easily let our guard down and allow our emotions to take control. It is the place where we are most easily tempted to justify ourselves when we fail to follow through on a commitment. In short, it is the place where, if we are not careful, we can lose control of our tongues.

Most of the time, you will not have to cope with earth shattering events in the home. You will however, experience daily inconveniences and frustrations that can eventually get the best of you. If you are not abiding in Christ and trusting the Holy Spirit to produce His fruit in you, those daily difficulties may cause you to slip into the habit of using unwholesome speech. When this happens, it can be extremely harmful to your marriage and to your relationship with your children. It also teaches your children that it is alright to say harmful things when they get upset.

Proverbs 18:21 says, “The tongue has the power of life and death.” Are you sensitive to the words you use? Do you use your words to build up and breathe life into your family members? If not, may I suggest that you spend time with the Lord in repentance? Ask Him to supply all the resources you need to overcome the fleshly temptation to use language that hurts and tears down.

David

Teach Them Early

A few years ago, I had the privilege of hearing George Barna speak at the National Preschool and Children’s Conference in Nashville. George Barna is the founder of The Barna Group, a market research firm specializing in studying the religious beliefs and behavior of Americans. In his address, Barna presented some staggering information his researchers had uncovered concerning the spiritual formation of children. I wanted to share some of his research findings to emphasis how important it is to begin the spiritual development of children at an early age.

First, a person’s moral foundations are generally in place by the time they reach age nine. While those foundations are refined and the application of those foundations may shift to some extent as the individual ages, their fundamental perspectives on truth, integrity, meaning, justice, morality, and ethics are formed quite early in life. After their first decade, most people simply refine their views as they age without a wholesale change in those leanings.

Second, a person’s response to the meaning and personal value of Jesus Christ’s life, death and resurrection is usually determined before a person reaches eighteen. In fact, a majority of Americans make a lasting determination about the personal significance of Christ’s death and resurrection by age 12.

Third, Barna showed data indicating that in most cases people’s spiritual beliefs are irrevocably formed when they are pre-teens. Upon comparing data from a national survey of 13-year-olds with an identical survey among adults, Barna found that the belief profile related to a dozen central spiritual principles was identical between the two groups. Those beliefs included perceptions of the nature of God, the existence of Satan, the reliability of the Bible, perceptions regarding the after-life, the holiness of Jesus Christ, the means of gaining God’s favor, and the influence of spiritual forces in a person’s life.

"In essence,” the researcher noted, “what you believe by the time you are 13 is what you will die believing. Of course, there are many individuals who go through life-changing experiences in which their beliefs are altered, or instances in which a concentrated body of religious teaching changes one or more core beliefs. However, most people’s minds are made up and they believe they know what they need to know spiritually by age 13. Their focus in absorbing religious teaching after that age is to gain reassurance and confirmation of their existing beliefs rather than to glean new insights that will redefine their foundations.” (Words in italics were obtained from The Barna Group of Ventura, California)

Wow! Your child’s moral foundations will be “in place by age nine!” Their religious beliefs will most likely be “irrevocably formed” by the time they are 13! When I heard these findings presented, especially by a trusted and reliable source, I was taken back. To me, it pointed out the urgency Christian parents should sense when it comes to guiding the spiritual formation of their children. You can’t start too early!

In closing, I want to say something to parents with children that are past the ages of 9 and 13. It is not too late! You can still have significant influence in your child's life by providing them with biblical instruction and being a positive role model for them to follow. Start now and they may point back to the day you made this commitment as one of their “life-changing experiences” Barna mentioned.

The Family Ministry Staff wants to be a resource for you as you disciple your children so please contact any one of us if you need information or assistance.

David