Like many Christians couples, Sherron and I began our marriage hoping and praying for a peaceful home and a relationship relatively free of significant problems. We were not naive enough to think we would have a problem free marriage but, we did think we had it in us to keep trouble at a minimum. I thought we could maintain our happiness as we met each other's needs and tried to ensure the flame of romance kept burning. Now, after 29-years of living life together, I realize those earlier hopes and prayers were misguided. You see, those prayers were what I would call "make my life easier" prayers. The motive behind them was my desire for God to make my home life as comfortable and convenient as possible.
After years of learning hard but irreplaceable lessons, I have come to believe that God intends for marriage to be a difficult journey. He knew that sin would enter the world through the Fall, yet He left in place the institution of marriage. His design is for a surrendered but sinful man and woman to live in a life-long covenant relationship that reflects His nature and Christ's relationship with His Bride the Church. There is something more that God intends to produce through marriage than a peaceful problem free home. He is more concerned with the personal holiness of a husband and wife than He is their momentary happiness?
I have come to believe that marriage, like no other arena of life, is designed to be the primary environment in which God operates to conform us to the image of His Son (Romans 8:29). It is His gymnasium where spiritual endurance and strength are produced in the lives of His children. On a daily basis marriage tests our patience, challenges our selfishness, stirs our emotions, and stretches our faith! It consistently pushes us past our own abilities to handle situations in a godly manner. It reveals that we must either depend upon the resources the Holy Spirit provides or drown in our own self efforts.
Often, God uses the difficulties of marriage to bring to the surface our underlying attitudes and heart issues which displease Him and are poisonous to our relationships. He does this so that we can deal with them appropriately through confession and repentance. I firmly believe that God allows us to endure the trials and pressures of married life in order to prepare us for heaven. Through those times, God is patiently refining and purifying us. They help close the gap between our heavenly positional holiness in Christ and our conditional holiness that is expressed in our attitudes and actions of daily life.
God intends marriage to produce good in our lives so, no matter the level of difficulties yours carries, see it as a blessing from God. It is one of His means of producing holiness and Christ-likeness in your life. Begin to pray "transform me" prayers instead of "make my life easier" prayers. Only then can anyone truly appreciate and cooperate with what God is trying to produce through their marriage relationship.
David
P.S. I feel it necessary to add that those in physically abusive relationships should seek counseling and by all means protect themselves from harm. If you are in this type of relationship, the Counseling Ministry of First Baptist Church would like to help. You can contact us at (865)947-9074.
Tuesday, June 23
Tuesday, June 16
Too Painful To Watch
A couple of years ago Sherron and I began watching the enormously popular TLC program Jon and Kate Plus 8. Most of you are aware of the premise of the program so I won’t go into much detail. Suffice it to say, that after having twins and then sextuplets Jon and Kate Gosselin were approached about doing a reality program following their day-to-day lives. The busy parents have said that they accepted the offer primarily because it would provide them the opportunity to have a video record of their children growing up.
As everyone in America now knows, things have turned really ugly in the Gosselin household. Both Jon and Kate have been reported to have had affairs and are making the cover of gossip magazines on a weekly basis. The program that was once so sweet and provided a transparent look into the lives of a seemingly well grounded family has become too painful to watch.
Jon and Kate promoted themselves, and may possibly be, evangelical Christians. In fact Sherron and my daughter Ashleigh went to see them speak at a local church last year. Jon often wears tee shirts with Bible verses on them and one program dealt with the parents getting themselves and their eight children to and from church. Besides the fairly normal times of expressing open frustration, mostly due to fatigue, Jon and Kate seemed to have a loving and sacrificial marriage. If you have watched the show you know I could be much more critical than this but I won’t cast any stones here.
Anyone with the slightest amount of discernment could see the problems the family now face coming a mile away. I think it all started when because of their meager financial situation companies started giving the family stuff. They received all expense paid trips to a ski resort, to Disney World, along with multiple other places. Their children were given clothing and toys beyond what their parents could have ever afforded for them. Jon and Kate both were provided with free cosmetic surgery and mom often visits the spa for the royal treatment. On top of that, endorsements gave them money to buy a bigger house and more stuff.
Not only did rampant materialism seem to creep in, enjoying celebrity status has become a major part of their lives. This seems to be a big issue especially for Kate. I watched the season finale last year that ended with trouble looming on the horizon. Jon basically said he was over doing the program and Kate said she loved it. Clearly, the motive of having a video documentary of their growing children is no longer their primary motivation for doing the show. What a warning to every Christian home to keep priorities in order!
I am saddened to see a family basically fall apart on national television and, even more so, to see Jon and Kate completely lose their Christian witness. When I think of them, it reminds me of Chris Sligh’s song “Empty Me.” You might remember Chris as a contestant on another popular television show called American Idol. I am posting his song with the lyrics below. What Chris recognized and seems to have dodged (the lure of fame and fortune), appears to have overtaken the Gosselins. Take a listen and remember Jesus’ warning that “where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Matthew 6:21
As everyone in America now knows, things have turned really ugly in the Gosselin household. Both Jon and Kate have been reported to have had affairs and are making the cover of gossip magazines on a weekly basis. The program that was once so sweet and provided a transparent look into the lives of a seemingly well grounded family has become too painful to watch.
Jon and Kate promoted themselves, and may possibly be, evangelical Christians. In fact Sherron and my daughter Ashleigh went to see them speak at a local church last year. Jon often wears tee shirts with Bible verses on them and one program dealt with the parents getting themselves and their eight children to and from church. Besides the fairly normal times of expressing open frustration, mostly due to fatigue, Jon and Kate seemed to have a loving and sacrificial marriage. If you have watched the show you know I could be much more critical than this but I won’t cast any stones here.
Anyone with the slightest amount of discernment could see the problems the family now face coming a mile away. I think it all started when because of their meager financial situation companies started giving the family stuff. They received all expense paid trips to a ski resort, to Disney World, along with multiple other places. Their children were given clothing and toys beyond what their parents could have ever afforded for them. Jon and Kate both were provided with free cosmetic surgery and mom often visits the spa for the royal treatment. On top of that, endorsements gave them money to buy a bigger house and more stuff.
Not only did rampant materialism seem to creep in, enjoying celebrity status has become a major part of their lives. This seems to be a big issue especially for Kate. I watched the season finale last year that ended with trouble looming on the horizon. Jon basically said he was over doing the program and Kate said she loved it. Clearly, the motive of having a video documentary of their growing children is no longer their primary motivation for doing the show. What a warning to every Christian home to keep priorities in order!
I am saddened to see a family basically fall apart on national television and, even more so, to see Jon and Kate completely lose their Christian witness. When I think of them, it reminds me of Chris Sligh’s song “Empty Me.” You might remember Chris as a contestant on another popular television show called American Idol. I am posting his song with the lyrics below. What Chris recognized and seems to have dodged (the lure of fame and fortune), appears to have overtaken the Gosselins. Take a listen and remember Jesus’ warning that “where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Matthew 6:21
Tuesday, June 9
Avoid Results Oriented Parenting
After making the statement “family education and order are some of the chief means of grace,” Jonathan Edwards goes on to speak to the potential effectiveness of following God’s plan for the home. He approaches “family education” and “order” from both a positive and a negative viewpoint.
Edwards first gives the negative perspective in the phrase, “If these fail, all other means are likely to prove ineffectual.” In other words, there are no adequate substitutes to replace God’s design for the home. His design promotes parents as the primary spiritual teachers and role models for their children and delegates roles and responsibilities to each family member. “If these fail,” any other design or system will show itself to be totally inadequate.
I think the warning here for Christians is to not allow common cultural practices, popular psychology, or man-made theories to influence how we order our homes and fulfill our God given responsibilities to the family. The pull and influence of the world system is strong and sometimes, even with the best intentions, Christians can be influenced by its values. The J.B. Phillips translation of Romans 12:2a says “Don't let the world around you squeeze you into its own mould.” I have personally waded that river while raising my children, so I know how strong the current can be. Always be alert to areas of your family life where those with non-biblical views of the home attempt to persuade you to conform to worldly values.
Next, Edwards expresses the positive perspective of family education and order when he says, “If these are duly maintained, all the means of grace will be likely to prosper and be successful.” I want to look at two elements of this statement. First, what are “all the means of grace” and second, why does Edwards say they “will be likely to prosper?”
Pastor Bob Deffinbaugh Th.M says "The “means of grace” that the Bible talks about are His Word (“the word of His grace,” Acts 20:32), His Spirit (“the Spirit of grace,” Hebrews 10:29), prayer made to the “throne of grace” (Hebrews 4:16), and the grace that is given to the saints which enables them to build up another (Ephesians 4:7; 1 Peter 4:10)." So, if family education and order are in place (“duly maintained”), God’s Word, God’s Spirit, prayer, and God’s enabling will be free to function abundantly in the lives of each family member.
But, what does Edwards mean when he says that these means of grace are “likely to prosper and be successful?” Some may not appreciate the use of the word “likely”! The thought may be “If I do the hard work of duly maintaining family education and order according to God’s plan, shouldn’t I be able to expect some guaranteed results?” This is where parents must take comfort and assurance in the fact that God is sovereign over their children and their home. My personal experience tells me that dedicated and committed Christian parents can sometimes raise a rebellious and wayward child. My experience also tells me that half-hearted and lukewarm Christian parents can sometimes raise a godly, Kingdom-minded child. Seriously, I can give you names!
What does Edward’s use of the word “likely” leave us with? I think it should cause us to examine our motives for duly maintaining family education and order. If our primary motivation is to raise children that never rebel and that will end up being pastors or missionaries, that is a bad primary motive! It is a good secondary motive but not a primary one. The primary motivation of Christian parenting is to honor and glorify God through our obedience to His commands and instructions..
You see, even if a godly parent flawlessly follows biblical guidelines, God may allow them to have a rebellious child for any multitude of reasons. But, according to Romans 8:28, if that happens, we can be assured that it will always be in order for God to bring about good in some form. Where parents can find the comfort I spoke of earlier is in knowing that God is not going to hold them accountable for how their children turn out. He is however, going to hold them accountable for their faithfulness and obedience to the process of biblical parenting. That is the only part of parenting anyone has complete control over anyway! So, I would encourage parents to focus on lining up their parenting style and the order of their home with the biblical model and leave the results God wants to produce up to Him.
As a word of encouragement, the word “likely” also carries with it the idea of there being a strong possibility of success. When parents see to the spiritual development of their children and order their homes according to God’s design for the purpose of glorifying Him, His grace will flow into our homes and will typically produce wonderful results. I believe this means that when we follow God’s plan, well-behaved children and strong marriages will be the norm.
Well, I hope you have been encouraged by this study of Jonathan Edwards quote concerning the Christian home. I also hope that you will seek to honor God through your obedience to the biblical principles it contains.
David
Edwards first gives the negative perspective in the phrase, “If these fail, all other means are likely to prove ineffectual.” In other words, there are no adequate substitutes to replace God’s design for the home. His design promotes parents as the primary spiritual teachers and role models for their children and delegates roles and responsibilities to each family member. “If these fail,” any other design or system will show itself to be totally inadequate.
I think the warning here for Christians is to not allow common cultural practices, popular psychology, or man-made theories to influence how we order our homes and fulfill our God given responsibilities to the family. The pull and influence of the world system is strong and sometimes, even with the best intentions, Christians can be influenced by its values. The J.B. Phillips translation of Romans 12:2a says “Don't let the world around you squeeze you into its own mould.” I have personally waded that river while raising my children, so I know how strong the current can be. Always be alert to areas of your family life where those with non-biblical views of the home attempt to persuade you to conform to worldly values.
Next, Edwards expresses the positive perspective of family education and order when he says, “If these are duly maintained, all the means of grace will be likely to prosper and be successful.” I want to look at two elements of this statement. First, what are “all the means of grace” and second, why does Edwards say they “will be likely to prosper?”
Pastor Bob Deffinbaugh Th.M says "The “means of grace” that the Bible talks about are His Word (“the word of His grace,” Acts 20:32), His Spirit (“the Spirit of grace,” Hebrews 10:29), prayer made to the “throne of grace” (Hebrews 4:16), and the grace that is given to the saints which enables them to build up another (Ephesians 4:7; 1 Peter 4:10)." So, if family education and order are in place (“duly maintained”), God’s Word, God’s Spirit, prayer, and God’s enabling will be free to function abundantly in the lives of each family member.
But, what does Edwards mean when he says that these means of grace are “likely to prosper and be successful?” Some may not appreciate the use of the word “likely”! The thought may be “If I do the hard work of duly maintaining family education and order according to God’s plan, shouldn’t I be able to expect some guaranteed results?” This is where parents must take comfort and assurance in the fact that God is sovereign over their children and their home. My personal experience tells me that dedicated and committed Christian parents can sometimes raise a rebellious and wayward child. My experience also tells me that half-hearted and lukewarm Christian parents can sometimes raise a godly, Kingdom-minded child. Seriously, I can give you names!
What does Edward’s use of the word “likely” leave us with? I think it should cause us to examine our motives for duly maintaining family education and order. If our primary motivation is to raise children that never rebel and that will end up being pastors or missionaries, that is a bad primary motive! It is a good secondary motive but not a primary one. The primary motivation of Christian parenting is to honor and glorify God through our obedience to His commands and instructions..
You see, even if a godly parent flawlessly follows biblical guidelines, God may allow them to have a rebellious child for any multitude of reasons. But, according to Romans 8:28, if that happens, we can be assured that it will always be in order for God to bring about good in some form. Where parents can find the comfort I spoke of earlier is in knowing that God is not going to hold them accountable for how their children turn out. He is however, going to hold them accountable for their faithfulness and obedience to the process of biblical parenting. That is the only part of parenting anyone has complete control over anyway! So, I would encourage parents to focus on lining up their parenting style and the order of their home with the biblical model and leave the results God wants to produce up to Him.
As a word of encouragement, the word “likely” also carries with it the idea of there being a strong possibility of success. When parents see to the spiritual development of their children and order their homes according to God’s design for the purpose of glorifying Him, His grace will flow into our homes and will typically produce wonderful results. I believe this means that when we follow God’s plan, well-behaved children and strong marriages will be the norm.
Well, I hope you have been encouraged by this study of Jonathan Edwards quote concerning the Christian home. I also hope that you will seek to honor God through your obedience to the biblical principles it contains.
David
Tuesday, June 2
The Grace Filled Home
What did Jonathan Edwards imply when he said “family education and order are some of the chief means of grace?” In regard to family education I believe he is clearly referring to parents attending to the biblical training and spiritual development of their children. The order of the family speaks of each family member faithfully and joyfully fulfilling their role and responsibilities within the home.
But, what about his assertion that these two activities are “some of the chief means of grace?” In order to determine the meaning of this phrase let’s do a quick word study. The word “chief” means “foremost” or “primary.” The word “means” can be translated “channel” or “instrument”. The word “grace” has two different but connected meanings. It can refer to God’s free and unmerited favor whereby He provides salvation to sinful undeserving people. And, it can point to God’s provision of His supernatural power and resources which help us live according to His plans and purposes.
With these definitions in mind, I think we can accurately paraphrase Edwards’ statement like this: “When parents see to the biblical training of their children and order their homes according to God’s plan, this becomes one of the primary channels through which God dispenses his unmerited favor and sustaining resources.”
Notice he said that the activities of family education and order were “some” of the chief means of grace. In other words, these are not the only means God uses. I think it is interesting that many theologians of the past such as John Calvin, John Wesley, and Martin Luther believed that the teaching and preaching of God’s Word was the chief means of grace.
I like the connection that is made between the church and the home with what these godly men have stated. God dispenses His grace to the home through the church by way of the accurate and faithful teaching and preaching of His Word. He dispenses His grace within the home as His Word is implemented and modeled.
At First Baptist Church, we have just concluded Family Ministry Month. Over the past five Sunday mornings Pastor Phil has been giving instruction, guidance, and encouragement from God’s Word concerning family life. The channel of God’s grace to the home coming from the preaching of God’s Word has been open and free flowing to us all. However, God’s grace will only be experienced when His Word is obediently applied and lived out by those who have heard it. My prayer is that every FBC family will abundantly experience God’s grace in their homes.
David
But, what about his assertion that these two activities are “some of the chief means of grace?” In order to determine the meaning of this phrase let’s do a quick word study. The word “chief” means “foremost” or “primary.” The word “means” can be translated “channel” or “instrument”. The word “grace” has two different but connected meanings. It can refer to God’s free and unmerited favor whereby He provides salvation to sinful undeserving people. And, it can point to God’s provision of His supernatural power and resources which help us live according to His plans and purposes.
With these definitions in mind, I think we can accurately paraphrase Edwards’ statement like this: “When parents see to the biblical training of their children and order their homes according to God’s plan, this becomes one of the primary channels through which God dispenses his unmerited favor and sustaining resources.”
Notice he said that the activities of family education and order were “some” of the chief means of grace. In other words, these are not the only means God uses. I think it is interesting that many theologians of the past such as John Calvin, John Wesley, and Martin Luther believed that the teaching and preaching of God’s Word was the chief means of grace.
I like the connection that is made between the church and the home with what these godly men have stated. God dispenses His grace to the home through the church by way of the accurate and faithful teaching and preaching of His Word. He dispenses His grace within the home as His Word is implemented and modeled.
At First Baptist Church, we have just concluded Family Ministry Month. Over the past five Sunday mornings Pastor Phil has been giving instruction, guidance, and encouragement from God’s Word concerning family life. The channel of God’s grace to the home coming from the preaching of God’s Word has been open and free flowing to us all. However, God’s grace will only be experienced when His Word is obediently applied and lived out by those who have heard it. My prayer is that every FBC family will abundantly experience God’s grace in their homes.
David
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