How to Protect Your Marriage

Last summer, I tackled a home improvement project that nearly got the best of me. I knew the eight-feet tall privacy fence in my back yard was in pretty bad shape when Sherron and I moved into our current home a couple of years earlier. After making a few repairs along the way, I began to realize that at some point replacing it would be my only option. One day, after a pretty bad storm, I went out back to find a couple of the fence posts had broken and the fence was leaning over against some trees on our property. The time to replace the fence had come.

After finding the style I wanted, I purchased all the lumber and began what became a two-week project of building my new fence. The fence turned out great but building it reminded me that I am not a spring chicken anymore and that I don’t recover as quickly from a really hard day of labor. In thinking of this project, I often use the analogy of building fences in our lives that serve to protect us from sin and temptation. I specifically want to speak today about building fences to protect your marriage from an affair.

A fence serves two purposes. First it protects a person’s property from visual or physical entry by people or animals that do not belong there. Second, it helps provide boundaries that prevent children or pets from leaving the safety of the property. In the same way, setting up fences in marriage helps protect them. They provide barriers from anyone entering that sacred space that does not belong there and helps keep us from wandering outside of its covenant boundaries.

Let’s look at a few fences that can be implemented in a marriage relationship to see what they look like. These are things that every married person should be proactive in building and maintaining to protect their marriage. Here are a few examples.

• Be proactive in understanding and meeting your spouse’s needs unconditionally (Eph. 5:25-29; Eph. 5:33; 1 Cor. 7:3). A general rule for this is that men typically desire respect and physical intimacy and women typically desire love and emotional intimacy.

• Treat your spouse in such a way that they know you value them or someone else will (Eph. 5:22-24; 1 Peter 3:7). Your spouse should feel that you are their biggest fan and that you consider them of great worth.

• Even at the expense of appearing unfriendly, never open yourself up emotionally to anyone other than your spouse. Never spend time with someone of the opposite sex such as taking them to lunch and never share intimate personal information with them (Psalm 141:3-4; James 1:13-15).

• Always look for and acknowledge the best qualities in you spouse and avoid dwelling on the negative (Proverbs 31:10-31; Malachi 2:13-15). We often focus on the personality traits and habits of our spouse that irritate us or cause discomfort. To combat this we must be proactive in looking for, appreciating, and affirming their positive qualities.

• Finally, and most importantly, see to it that your relationship with Christ remains strong and intimate. It is through this relationship that you will find both the desire and the ability to be the spouse God directs you to be (Phil. 2:13 NLT).

In closing, let me say that if you think your marriage is not susceptible to an affair then yours may be one of the most susceptible. Why, because you are the least likely to be proactive in building and maintaining these fences in your life. If that happens, your marriage will go on unprotected and Satan will attempt to send someone into that sacred space that does not belong there. You can “affair proof” your marriage but, like my fence project, it takes time and often great effort to do so.

Glorifying God in Gray Areas

This past year I have had multiple conversations, mostly with young adults, concerning their desire to live holy lives in a fallen world. In those conversations issues such as avoiding legalism, knowing what is appropriate or inappropriate for Christians to be involved in, and are things always black and white with God have come up. These are very imprortant issues with which every Christian must come to terms.

Typically, the Bible contains clear instructions on what a God honoring life looks like and what behaviors and activities most define the Christian life. However, what about those things the Bible does not directly address? I came across the following article on the Grace to You website that I thought would be very useful in helping us navigate through the "gray areas".

If the issue you are wondering about is not specifically addressed in the Bible, then it's helpful to ask these questions from 1 Corinthians to help you in deciding what to do. Asking these questions (and others like them) will help you make a wise decision based on sound biblical principles.

1. Will it benefit me spiritually? First Corinthians 10:23 says, "All things are lawful, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful, but not all things edify."

2. Will it put me in bondage? First Corinthians 6:12 says, "All things are lawful for me, but I will not be mastered by anything." Any questionable practice that can be habit-forming is not wise to pursue.

3. Will it defile God's temple? First Corinthians 6:19-20 says, "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body." We should not do anything with our bodies that would dishonor the Lord.

4. Will it cause others to stumble? First Corinthians 8:8-9 says, "Food will not commend us to God; we are neither the worse if we do not eat, nor the better if we do eat. But take care lest this liberty of yours somehow become a stumbling block to the weak." One should refrain from using his freedom in an area which might cause others to sin. For "by sinning against the brethren and wounding their conscience when it is weak, you sin against Christ. Therefore," Paul said, "if food causes my brother to stumble, I will never eat meat again, that I might not cause my brother to stumble."

5. Will it help the cause of evangelism? First Corinthians 10:32-33 says, "Give no offense either to Jews or to Greeks or to the church of God; just as I also please all men in all things, not seeking my own profit, but the profit of the many, that they may be saved." We must think of the effect any practice might have on our testimony to the lost.

6. Will it violate my conscience? First Corinthians 10:25-29 contains three references to abstaining from a certain practice "for conscience' sake." And Romans 14:23 says, "He who doubts is condemned if he eats, because his eating is not from faith; and whatever is not from faith is sin." If we are not sure whether an action is pleasing to God, we should not do it. That way our conscience will remain clear and our relationship to God will not be hindered.

7. Will it bring glory to God? First Corinthians 10:31 summarizes all these principles by saying, "Therefore, whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God."

Copywrite 2007, Grace to You, All rights reserved, Used by permission
You can find this article at http://www.gty.org/Resources/Print/Articles/A165

David

Responsibility Equals Accountability

I wonder how many Christian fathers have truly been overcome with fear and trembling while pondering the depth of responsibility God has given to them for their children? I can honestly say that in my life that has happened far less often than it should. My lack of sensing the seriousness of my responsibilities was brought to bear while reading the third chapter of I Samuel today.

We know this chapter because it describes the calling of young Samuel as a prophet by God. What should cause every man to step back and take notice is the ominous message that God gives to Samuel concerning Eli the priest. Here is God’s message concerning Eli and his family in verses 11-14:

Then the LORD said to Samuel, “I am about to do a shocking thing in Israel. I am going to carry out all my threats against Eli and his family, from beginning to end. I have warned him that judgment is coming upon his family forever, because his sons are blaspheming God and he hasn’t disciplined them. So I have vowed that the sins of Eli and his sons will never be forgiven by sacrifices or offerings.” NLT

These verses contain a horrific pronouncement of judgment. God said that He was about to do something to Eli and his wicked sons that would shock Israel. Several translations say that God’s judgment would make everyone’s “ears tingle.” Despite God’s warnings to reign in his blasphemous sons Hophni and Phinehas, Eli basically let them off with simple warnings.

It is very apparent that God holds Eli personally accountable for the sins of his sons. In chapter 2 verse 12 we read that Eli’s two sons “were scoundrels who had no respect for the LORD” even though they were priests in the temple.

Eli had failed to appropriately discipline (some translations say “restrain”) them from their evil ways. These were adult men who needed to be removed as priests and possibly even stoned according to the Law but Eli allowed them to continue in their greed and blasphemy. God took care of the matter by seeing to it that all three men died a violent death and then He refused to forgive their sins. They brought God to His “I’ve had it” point!

Here is the issue at hand, God held Eli accountable for his sons behavior. He had the right and the authority to restrain these two but chose rather to enable them to continue. Therefore, God will hold every Christian father accountable for neglecting the proper discipline of his children. Too often I think men have bought into the idea that their children need them to be their friends. That they need someone to have a good time with and to make sure they are properly entertained.

Listen, God has called fathers to train their children and to discipline them towards godliness not simply be their pals. We are to be to them as God, our heavenly Father, is to us. Yes, He is our friend but He is also our righteous God who disciplines us and does not overlook our sins.

I am challenging every father to be bold, to be the fair but firm disciplinarian that God has given you the responsibility to be. We will one day give an account of this before God and I pray that the sins of our children will not be brought as an accusation against us at our time of judgment!