Loving On Another Level

Last week, I and 27 others from FBC-Powell went to New York City to work with the New York School of Urban Ministry during the Thanksgiving Holiday. The ministry opportunities presented to us were amazingly diverse. Our two teams ministered to the homeless by volunteering in shelters and soup kitchens and through street ministry at night. Some went to a hospital for HIV patients and others with chronic illnesses to encourage and pray with them. Some went to a day center for adults with Cerebral Palsy to sing Christmas carols room to room. We distributed Thanksgiving baskets alongside a new church plant in the poorest neighborhood in the Bronx. One group even participated in preaching and sharing their testimonies on the subway system.

After being home for a few days and a considerable amount of reflection, I wanted to share what I believe to be the most important lesson I took away from this trip. I learned that taking time to give a listening ear to someone who is typically ignored, to give a person most people will not even sit next to a compassionate touch on the shoulder, to offer a message of hope in Christ to those without hope, are the most valuable gifts we can give to the poor and disabled.

I have been going through a season of repentance because I have too often taken the easy way out to help the downtrodden. I have written a check here and there to support those who are on the front line of ministry. While doing this isn’t wrong, it is a level of love that is not truly sacrificial. You see, I can write a check without much inconvenience or discomfort. It won’t cramp my lifestyle. But, what about giving a few hours of my time to get to know someone and listen to their hurts and concerns? What about giving numerous hours of time to get to know someone so well that I am positive I know the most effective way to minister to them?

I have come to realize over the past couple of weeks that true sacrificial love is so much more than helping finance a benevolent ministry. It is more than passing out material things like a sandwich or toiletries to a homeless person. The deepest love we can show is by giving our time and attention to individuals that are in many cases forgotten, ignored, and abused. To show the love of Christ means we must go beyond the convenience of giving a few dollars of support. It requires us to give up our time, rearrange our schedules, and even deny our wants and needs for the welfare of others. Few times will this necessitate a financial contribution but it will always cost us some of the comforts and conveniences that we so greatly value.

I am reading Matthew 25:34-40 from a new perspective these days. It says:

“Then the King will say to those on His right hand, ‘Come, you blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: for I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in; I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me.’ “Then the righteous will answer Him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You drink? When did we see You a stranger and take You in, or naked and clothe You? Or when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’ And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.’

David

How to Protect Your Marriage

Last summer, I tackled a home improvement project that nearly got the best of me. I knew the eight-feet tall privacy fence in my back yard was in pretty bad shape when Sherron and I moved into our current home a couple of years earlier. After making a few repairs along the way, I began to realize that at some point replacing it would be my only option. One day, after a pretty bad storm, I went out back to find a couple of the fence posts had broken and the fence was leaning over against some trees on our property. The time to replace the fence had come.

After finding the style I wanted, I purchased all the lumber and began what became a two-week project of building my new fence. The fence turned out great but building it reminded me that I am not a spring chicken anymore and that I don’t recover as quickly from a really hard day of labor. In thinking of this project, I often use the analogy of building fences in our lives that serve to protect us from sin and temptation. I specifically want to speak today about building fences to protect your marriage from an affair.

A fence serves two purposes. First it protects a person’s property from visual or physical entry by people or animals that do not belong there. Second, it helps provide boundaries that prevent children or pets from leaving the safety of the property. In the same way, setting up fences in marriage helps protect them. They provide barriers from anyone entering that sacred space that does not belong there and helps keep us from wandering outside of its covenant boundaries.

Let’s look at a few fences that can be implemented in a marriage relationship to see what they look like. These are things that every married person should be proactive in building and maintaining to protect their marriage. Here are a few examples.

• Be proactive in understanding and meeting your spouse’s needs unconditionally (Eph. 5:25-29; Eph. 5:33; 1 Cor. 7:3). A general rule for this is that men typically desire respect and physical intimacy and women typically desire love and emotional intimacy.

• Treat your spouse in such a way that they know you value them or someone else will (Eph. 5:22-24; 1 Peter 3:7). Your spouse should feel that you are their biggest fan and that you consider them of great worth.

• Even at the expense of appearing unfriendly, never open yourself up emotionally to anyone other than your spouse. Never spend time with someone of the opposite sex such as taking them to lunch and never share intimate personal information with them (Psalm 141:3-4; James 1:13-15).

• Always look for and acknowledge the best qualities in you spouse and avoid dwelling on the negative (Proverbs 31:10-31; Malachi 2:13-15). We often focus on the personality traits and habits of our spouse that irritate us or cause discomfort. To combat this we must be proactive in looking for, appreciating, and affirming their positive qualities.

• Finally, and most importantly, see to it that your relationship with Christ remains strong and intimate. It is through this relationship that you will find both the desire and the ability to be the spouse God directs you to be (Phil. 2:13 NLT).

In closing, let me say that if you think your marriage is not susceptible to an affair then yours may be one of the most susceptible. Why, because you are the least likely to be proactive in building and maintaining these fences in your life. If that happens, your marriage will go on unprotected and Satan will attempt to send someone into that sacred space that does not belong there. You can “affair proof” your marriage but, like my fence project, it takes time and often great effort to do so.

Glorifying God in Gray Areas

This past year I have had multiple conversations, mostly with young adults, concerning their desire to live holy lives in a fallen world. In those conversations issues such as avoiding legalism, knowing what is appropriate or inappropriate for Christians to be involved in, and are things always black and white with God have come up. These are very imprortant issues with which every Christian must come to terms.

Typically, the Bible contains clear instructions on what a God honoring life looks like and what behaviors and activities most define the Christian life. However, what about those things the Bible does not directly address? I came across the following article on the Grace to You website that I thought would be very useful in helping us navigate through the "gray areas".

If the issue you are wondering about is not specifically addressed in the Bible, then it's helpful to ask these questions from 1 Corinthians to help you in deciding what to do. Asking these questions (and others like them) will help you make a wise decision based on sound biblical principles.

1. Will it benefit me spiritually? First Corinthians 10:23 says, "All things are lawful, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful, but not all things edify."

2. Will it put me in bondage? First Corinthians 6:12 says, "All things are lawful for me, but I will not be mastered by anything." Any questionable practice that can be habit-forming is not wise to pursue.

3. Will it defile God's temple? First Corinthians 6:19-20 says, "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body." We should not do anything with our bodies that would dishonor the Lord.

4. Will it cause others to stumble? First Corinthians 8:8-9 says, "Food will not commend us to God; we are neither the worse if we do not eat, nor the better if we do eat. But take care lest this liberty of yours somehow become a stumbling block to the weak." One should refrain from using his freedom in an area which might cause others to sin. For "by sinning against the brethren and wounding their conscience when it is weak, you sin against Christ. Therefore," Paul said, "if food causes my brother to stumble, I will never eat meat again, that I might not cause my brother to stumble."

5. Will it help the cause of evangelism? First Corinthians 10:32-33 says, "Give no offense either to Jews or to Greeks or to the church of God; just as I also please all men in all things, not seeking my own profit, but the profit of the many, that they may be saved." We must think of the effect any practice might have on our testimony to the lost.

6. Will it violate my conscience? First Corinthians 10:25-29 contains three references to abstaining from a certain practice "for conscience' sake." And Romans 14:23 says, "He who doubts is condemned if he eats, because his eating is not from faith; and whatever is not from faith is sin." If we are not sure whether an action is pleasing to God, we should not do it. That way our conscience will remain clear and our relationship to God will not be hindered.

7. Will it bring glory to God? First Corinthians 10:31 summarizes all these principles by saying, "Therefore, whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God."

Copywrite 2007, Grace to You, All rights reserved, Used by permission
You can find this article at http://www.gty.org/Resources/Print/Articles/A165

David

Responsibility Equals Accountability

I wonder how many Christian fathers have truly been overcome with fear and trembling while pondering the depth of responsibility God has given to them for their children? I can honestly say that in my life that has happened far less often than it should. My lack of sensing the seriousness of my responsibilities was brought to bear while reading the third chapter of I Samuel today.

We know this chapter because it describes the calling of young Samuel as a prophet by God. What should cause every man to step back and take notice is the ominous message that God gives to Samuel concerning Eli the priest. Here is God’s message concerning Eli and his family in verses 11-14:

Then the LORD said to Samuel, “I am about to do a shocking thing in Israel. I am going to carry out all my threats against Eli and his family, from beginning to end. I have warned him that judgment is coming upon his family forever, because his sons are blaspheming God and he hasn’t disciplined them. So I have vowed that the sins of Eli and his sons will never be forgiven by sacrifices or offerings.” NLT

These verses contain a horrific pronouncement of judgment. God said that He was about to do something to Eli and his wicked sons that would shock Israel. Several translations say that God’s judgment would make everyone’s “ears tingle.” Despite God’s warnings to reign in his blasphemous sons Hophni and Phinehas, Eli basically let them off with simple warnings.

It is very apparent that God holds Eli personally accountable for the sins of his sons. In chapter 2 verse 12 we read that Eli’s two sons “were scoundrels who had no respect for the LORD” even though they were priests in the temple.

Eli had failed to appropriately discipline (some translations say “restrain”) them from their evil ways. These were adult men who needed to be removed as priests and possibly even stoned according to the Law but Eli allowed them to continue in their greed and blasphemy. God took care of the matter by seeing to it that all three men died a violent death and then He refused to forgive their sins. They brought God to His “I’ve had it” point!

Here is the issue at hand, God held Eli accountable for his sons behavior. He had the right and the authority to restrain these two but chose rather to enable them to continue. Therefore, God will hold every Christian father accountable for neglecting the proper discipline of his children. Too often I think men have bought into the idea that their children need them to be their friends. That they need someone to have a good time with and to make sure they are properly entertained.

Listen, God has called fathers to train their children and to discipline them towards godliness not simply be their pals. We are to be to them as God, our heavenly Father, is to us. Yes, He is our friend but He is also our righteous God who disciplines us and does not overlook our sins.

I am challenging every father to be bold, to be the fair but firm disciplinarian that God has given you the responsibility to be. We will one day give an account of this before God and I pray that the sins of our children will not be brought as an accusation against us at our time of judgment!

Christ-Like Headship

Weighty Words on the Meaning of a Husband's Headship:
John Piper
August 5, 2009

[I have copied this article from the Gender Blog of The Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood. It was originally posted on the DesiringGod blog]

What follows is one of the greatest reasons for a man to get married and stay married: not the rapturous flame of eros, but the refining fires of holiness.

No relationship is more clearly commanded to model the death of Christ. No relationship is more costly-in both senses of that word (painful and precious).

This quote comes from one of C. S. Lewis's last books, published in 1960, The Four Loves. In it we hear the wise fruit of a lifetime.

"The husband is the head of the wife just in so far as he is to her what Christ is to the Church. He is to love her as Christ loved the church-read on-and gave his life for her (Ephesians 5:25).

This headship, then, is most fully embodied not in the husband we should all wish to be but in him whose marriage is most like a crucifixion; whose wife receives most and gives least, is most unworthy of him, is-in her own mere nature-least lovable. For the church has no beauty but what the bridegroom gives her; he does not find, but makes her, lovely.

The chrism [anointing, consecration] of this terrible coronation is to be seen not in the joys of any man's marriage but in its sorrows, in the sickness and sufferings of a good wife or the faults of the bad one, in his unwearying (never paraded) care or his inexhaustible forgiveness: forgiveness, not acquiescence.

As Christ sees in the flawed, proud, fanatical or lukewarm Church on earth that bride who will one day be without spot or wrinkle, and labors to produce the latter, so the husband whose headship is Christ-like (and he is allowed no other sort) never despairs. He is a King Cophetua who after twenty years still hopes that the beggar-girl will one day learn to speak the truth and wash behind her ears. (105-106)"

Tim Tebow, Man of God…

Last week at the SEC media days in Hoover, Alabama, Tim Tebow, quarterback of the defending BCS Champion Florida Gators, was asked a question that many people are deeming as inappropriate and unnecessary, however I don’t hold to the same opinion.

While the question didn’t mention anything about how Tebow plans to attack opposing defenses and it didn’t mention anything about the Gators version of the “spread” offense, I would say that the question (while not a football question) allowed Tebow yet another opportunity to do what the Bible teaches in 1 Peter 3:15 which says “always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear”.

So here’s the question Tebow was asked by a member of the media… “Tim, are you still a virgin?

For many who haven’t followed Tebow’s career, his answer might have been surprising. Tim replied “Yes I am” and then he chuckled a bit.

You see, Tim Tebow is much more than a Heisman Trophy winner and two-time National Champion Quarterback, Tim Tebow is a real man of God. He is ready for any question that might come his way because he spends time in God’s word. He tries to be “steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord” as 2 Corinthians 15:58 says.

Tebow faces constant scrutiny from the media about his “religion” and about his motives for preaching at prisons and doing evangelistic work in the Philippines, but he always backs up the questions with his actions. 1 Peter 2:12 “Keep your conduct among the Gentiles honorable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may see your good deeds and glorify God”

You might say, “well it sounds like Tebow is perfect”? And I would say, of course he’s not, the bible says “all we like sheep have gone astray” Isaiah 53:6. However, Tim makes it his “aim to be well pleasing to the Lord” 2 Corinthians 5:9 and quite frankly, he is the greatest role model in sports today.

Not only is Tim a role model, I would say his family sets a great example for raising Godly children as well. If you look closely at the Tebow family, it’s easy to see why Tim seeks to glorify God with his life... It’s because his parents raised him to fear the Lord (Deuteronomy 6). Just last year I had a chance to talk with Bob and Pam Tebow (Tim’s parents) and after speaking with them it was evident that they want Tim to be a God fearing man, not just a great quarterback!

Bob Tebow has established the BTEA (Bob Tebow Evangelistic Association) which has as its primary goal “to make the Gospel of Jesus Christ available to every person in the world” www.btea.org. The Tebow family desires to reach people with the Gospel and use Timmy’s platform as a football star to spread the good news to the nations.

Tim Tebow is truly a once in a generation athlete and probably will go down as the greatest college football player of all time; but with that said, the reason I am writing this is not to elevate Tim Tebow in an idolatrous fashion, rather, it is to recognize the fact that there are still some real men of God out there that are great role models for our Youth and children. I’m not asking you to support the Gators or even become a Tebow fan, but I am asking you to recognize men whose greatest motive in life is to Glorify God, and then point your children in their direction…


Chad Scarbro
7/29/2009

The Big Apple Experience

I just returned from a mission trip to New York City with our High School youth. The scope of our effort was to team up with the New York School of Urban Ministry located in Queens. NYSUM is a non-denominational, evangelical, Christian organization that ministers to the homeless, lower income, and disabled of NYC. They allow churches to send mission teams there for hands-on evangelism and ministry training. NYSUM partners with and provides volunteers for dozens of Christian ministries, charities, and churches all over the city.

I was so blessed to see our youth and adults serve, evangelize, and basically love on arguably the poorest people in the country. The team served meals at soup kitchens, passed out toiletries and food to the homeless, sang songs and painted buildings for those with Cerebral Palsy, did clown evangelism in Times Square, and prayerwalked on Wall Street. Each of these ministries called for our team members to be stretched well outside of their comfort zones and to rely completely upon the Holy Spirit's resources.

I never heard a whine or complaint even when there were sudden schedule changes or when tiredness set in. I am always thankful for belonging to a church that provides members of all ages multiple opportunities to fulfill the Great Commission and the Great Commandment. I see in our High School youth a maturity level and an openness to give of themselves that truly amazes me at times.

This coming Thanksgiving, the Family Ministry has scheduled another trip to work with NYSUM. This will be a trip for youth and their families to go and serve primarily the homeless during the Holidays and during the cold November winter. I am praying the many families will take advantage of this opportunity to serve God together and reach out to those in desperate physical and spiritual need.

Did God Intend for Marriage to be Difficult?

Like many Christians couples, Sherron and I began our marriage hoping and praying for a peaceful home and a relationship relatively free of significant problems. We were not naive enough to think we would have a problem free marriage but, we did think we had it in us to keep trouble at a minimum. I thought we could maintain our happiness as we met each other's needs and tried to ensure the flame of romance kept burning. Now, after 29-years of living life together, I realize those earlier hopes and prayers were misguided. You see, those prayers were what I would call "make my life easier" prayers. The motive behind them was my desire for God to make my home life as comfortable and convenient as possible.

After years of learning hard but irreplaceable lessons, I have come to believe that God intends for marriage to be a difficult journey. He knew that sin would enter the world through the Fall, yet He left in place the institution of marriage. His design is for a surrendered but sinful man and woman to live in a life-long covenant relationship that reflects His nature and Christ's relationship with His Bride the Church. There is something more that God intends to produce through marriage than a peaceful problem free home. He is more concerned with the personal holiness of a husband and wife than He is their momentary happiness?

I have come to believe that marriage, like no other arena of life, is designed to be the primary environment in which God operates to conform us to the image of His Son (Romans 8:29). It is His gymnasium where spiritual endurance and strength are produced in the lives of His children. On a daily basis marriage tests our patience, challenges our selfishness, stirs our emotions, and stretches our faith! It consistently pushes us past our own abilities to handle situations in a godly manner. It reveals that we must either depend upon the resources the Holy Spirit provides or drown in our own self efforts.

Often, God uses the difficulties of marriage to bring to the surface our underlying attitudes and heart issues which displease Him and are poisonous to our relationships. He does this so that we can deal with them appropriately through confession and repentance. I firmly believe that God allows us to endure the trials and pressures of married life in order to prepare us for heaven. Through those times, God is patiently refining and purifying us. They help close the gap between our heavenly positional holiness in Christ and our conditional holiness that is expressed in our attitudes and actions of daily life.

God intends marriage to produce good in our lives so, no matter the level of difficulties yours carries, see it as a blessing from God. It is one of His means of producing holiness and Christ-likeness in your life. Begin to pray "transform me" prayers instead of "make my life easier" prayers. Only then can anyone truly appreciate and cooperate with what God is trying to produce through their marriage relationship.

David

P.S. I feel it necessary to add that those in physically abusive relationships should seek counseling and by all means protect themselves from harm. If you are in this type of relationship, the Counseling Ministry of First Baptist Church would like to help. You can contact us at (865)947-9074.

Too Painful To Watch

A couple of years ago Sherron and I began watching the enormously popular TLC program Jon and Kate Plus 8. Most of you are aware of the premise of the program so I won’t go into much detail. Suffice it to say, that after having twins and then sextuplets Jon and Kate Gosselin were approached about doing a reality program following their day-to-day lives. The busy parents have said that they accepted the offer primarily because it would provide them the opportunity to have a video record of their children growing up.

As everyone in America now knows, things have turned really ugly in the Gosselin household. Both Jon and Kate have been reported to have had affairs and are making the cover of gossip magazines on a weekly basis. The program that was once so sweet and provided a transparent look into the lives of a seemingly well grounded family has become too painful to watch.

Jon and Kate promoted themselves, and may possibly be, evangelical Christians. In fact Sherron and my daughter Ashleigh went to see them speak at a local church last year. Jon often wears tee shirts with Bible verses on them and one program dealt with the parents getting themselves and their eight children to and from church. Besides the fairly normal times of expressing open frustration, mostly due to fatigue, Jon and Kate seemed to have a loving and sacrificial marriage. If you have watched the show you know I could be much more critical than this but I won’t cast any stones here.

Anyone with the slightest amount of discernment could see the problems the family now face coming a mile away. I think it all started when because of their meager financial situation companies started giving the family stuff. They received all expense paid trips to a ski resort, to Disney World, along with multiple other places. Their children were given clothing and toys beyond what their parents could have ever afforded for them. Jon and Kate both were provided with free cosmetic surgery and mom often visits the spa for the royal treatment. On top of that, endorsements gave them money to buy a bigger house and more stuff.

Not only did rampant materialism seem to creep in, enjoying celebrity status has become a major part of their lives. This seems to be a big issue especially for Kate. I watched the season finale last year that ended with trouble looming on the horizon. Jon basically said he was over doing the program and Kate said she loved it. Clearly, the motive of having a video documentary of their growing children is no longer their primary motivation for doing the show. What a warning to every Christian home to keep priorities in order!

I am saddened to see a family basically fall apart on national television and, even more so, to see Jon and Kate completely lose their Christian witness. When I think of them, it reminds me of Chris Sligh’s song “Empty Me.” You might remember Chris as a contestant on another popular television show called American Idol. I am posting his song with the lyrics below. What Chris recognized and seems to have dodged (the lure of fame and fortune), appears to have overtaken the Gosselins. Take a listen and remember Jesus’ warning that “where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Matthew 6:21

Avoid Results Oriented Parenting

After making the statement “family education and order are some of the chief means of grace,” Jonathan Edwards goes on to speak to the potential effectiveness of following God’s plan for the home. He approaches “family education” and “order” from both a positive and a negative viewpoint.

Edwards first gives the negative perspective in the phrase, “If these fail, all other means are likely to prove ineffectual.” In other words, there are no adequate substitutes to replace God’s design for the home. His design promotes parents as the primary spiritual teachers and role models for their children and delegates roles and responsibilities to each family member. “If these fail,” any other design or system will show itself to be totally inadequate.

I think the warning here for Christians is to not allow common cultural practices, popular psychology, or man-made theories to influence how we order our homes and fulfill our God given responsibilities to the family. The pull and influence of the world system is strong and sometimes, even with the best intentions, Christians can be influenced by its values. The J.B. Phillips translation of Romans 12:2a says “Don't let the world around you squeeze you into its own mould.” I have personally waded that river while raising my children, so I know how strong the current can be. Always be alert to areas of your family life where those with non-biblical views of the home attempt to persuade you to conform to worldly values.

Next, Edwards expresses the positive perspective of family education and order when he says, “If these are duly maintained, all the means of grace will be likely to prosper and be successful.” I want to look at two elements of this statement. First, what are “all the means of grace” and second, why does Edwards say they “will be likely to prosper?”

Pastor Bob Deffinbaugh Th.M says "The “means of grace” that the Bible talks about are His Word (“the word of His grace,” Acts 20:32), His Spirit (“the Spirit of grace,” Hebrews 10:29), prayer made to the “throne of grace” (Hebrews 4:16), and the grace that is given to the saints which enables them to build up another (Ephesians 4:7; 1 Peter 4:10)." So, if family education and order are in place (“duly maintained”), God’s Word, God’s Spirit, prayer, and God’s enabling will be free to function abundantly in the lives of each family member.

But, what does Edwards mean when he says that these means of grace are “likely to prosper and be successful?” Some may not appreciate the use of the word “likely”! The thought may be “If I do the hard work of duly maintaining family education and order according to God’s plan, shouldn’t I be able to expect some guaranteed results?” This is where parents must take comfort and assurance in the fact that God is sovereign over their children and their home. My personal experience tells me that dedicated and committed Christian parents can sometimes raise a rebellious and wayward child. My experience also tells me that half-hearted and lukewarm Christian parents can sometimes raise a godly, Kingdom-minded child. Seriously, I can give you names!

What does Edward’s use of the word “likely” leave us with? I think it should cause us to examine our motives for duly maintaining family education and order. If our primary motivation is to raise children that never rebel and that will end up being pastors or missionaries, that is a bad primary motive! It is a good secondary motive but not a primary one. The primary motivation of Christian parenting is to honor and glorify God through our obedience to His commands and instructions..

You see, even if a godly parent flawlessly follows biblical guidelines, God may allow them to have a rebellious child for any multitude of reasons. But, according to Romans 8:28, if that happens, we can be assured that it will always be in order for God to bring about good in some form. Where parents can find the comfort I spoke of earlier is in knowing that God is not going to hold them accountable for how their children turn out. He is however, going to hold them accountable for their faithfulness and obedience to the process of biblical parenting. That is the only part of parenting anyone has complete control over anyway! So, I would encourage parents to focus on lining up their parenting style and the order of their home with the biblical model and leave the results God wants to produce up to Him.

As a word of encouragement, the word “likely” also carries with it the idea of there being a strong possibility of success. When parents see to the spiritual development of their children and order their homes according to God’s design for the purpose of glorifying Him, His grace will flow into our homes and will typically produce wonderful results. I believe this means that when we follow God’s plan, well-behaved children and strong marriages will be the norm.

Well, I hope you have been encouraged by this study of Jonathan Edwards quote concerning the Christian home. I also hope that you will seek to honor God through your obedience to the biblical principles it contains.

David

The Grace Filled Home

What did Jonathan Edwards imply when he said “family education and order are some of the chief means of grace?” In regard to family education I believe he is clearly referring to parents attending to the biblical training and spiritual development of their children. The order of the family speaks of each family member faithfully and joyfully fulfilling their role and responsibilities within the home.

But, what about his assertion that these two activities are “some of the chief means of grace?” In order to determine the meaning of this phrase let’s do a quick word study. The word “chief” means “foremost” or “primary.” The word “means” can be translated “channel” or “instrument”. The word “grace” has two different but connected meanings. It can refer to God’s free and unmerited favor whereby He provides salvation to sinful undeserving people. And, it can point to God’s provision of His supernatural power and resources which help us live according to His plans and purposes.

With these definitions in mind, I think we can accurately paraphrase Edwards’ statement like this: “When parents see to the biblical training of their children and order their homes according to God’s plan, this becomes one of the primary channels through which God dispenses his unmerited favor and sustaining resources.”

Notice he said that the activities of family education and order were “some” of the chief means of grace. In other words, these are not the only means God uses. I think it is interesting that many theologians of the past such as John Calvin, John Wesley, and Martin Luther believed that the teaching and preaching of God’s Word was the chief means of grace.

I like the connection that is made between the church and the home with what these godly men have stated. God dispenses His grace to the home through the church by way of the accurate and faithful teaching and preaching of His Word. He dispenses His grace within the home as His Word is implemented and modeled.

At First Baptist Church, we have just concluded Family Ministry Month. Over the past five Sunday mornings Pastor Phil has been giving instruction, guidance, and encouragement from God’s Word concerning family life. The channel of God’s grace to the home coming from the preaching of God’s Word has been open and free flowing to us all. However, God’s grace will only be experienced when His Word is obediently applied and lived out by those who have heard it. My prayer is that every FBC family will abundantly experience God’s grace in their homes.

David

God's Word is Our Guide

This post is the third installment of an examination of Jonathan Edward’s statement concerning the Christian family. The phrase we are looking at today says every Christian family should be “wholly influenced and governed by His [God’s] rules.”

Here is the entire quote:
“Every Christian family ought to be as it were a little church, consecrated to Christ, and wholly influenced and governed by His rules. And family education and order are some of the chief means of grace. If these fail, all other means are likely to prove ineffectual. If these are duly maintained, all the means of grace will be likely to prosper and be successful.”

One of the most gracious things God has done is to give us His inspired and inerrant word (2 Timothy 3:16; 2 Peter 1:20-21). His word is a reliable and trustworthy guide that shows us how to handle all of life’s issues in a way that is most beneficial for us and most glorifying to Him.

The Scriptures are also authoritative (John 16:12-15; Matthew 4:1-11). Over 2000 times, the Bible claims to be the “Word of God”. Through it, our great God who is omnipotent and omniscient has revealed His will. He is a wise and powerful Creator and His Word deserves the utmost reverence, respect, and obedience. The Bible contains direct commands and clear principles regarding how those who claim to be God’s children should conduct themselves.

The Scriptures deal heavily with family relationships and the proper order of the Christian home. So, when Jonathan Edward’s said our homes must be “wholly influenced and governed by His rules”, the assumption is that there is no lack of information concerning those rules, nor motivation to follow them. Here are just a few such “rules”:

Husbands and Fathers
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her - Eph. 5:25

Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel -1 Peter 3:7

But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever - 1 Timothy 5:8

And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up - Deuteronomy 6:6-7

And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. - Ephesians 6:4

Wives and Mothers
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. - Ephesians 5:22-24

That they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed – Titus 2:4-5

Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. – 1 Peter 3:3-4

And you, fathers (can also be translated “parents”), do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord - Ephesians 6:4

Children

Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the LORD your God is giving you - Exodus 20:12

Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord - Colossians 3:20

Everyone
This is love, that we walk according to His commandments. This is the commandment, that as you have heard from the beginning, you should walk in it - 2John 6

Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others - Philippians - 2:3-4

And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you - Ephesians 4:32

In closing, let me say that it is impossible for anyone to faithfully and consistently follow these commands and instructions in their own strength. Through a surrendered and obedient life, the Holy Spirit can and will provide you the wisdom, desire, and ability to obey God’s “rules” for your Christian home.


David

All Scripture verses were taken from the New King James Version

A Consecrated Home

Last week I began a phrase by phrase examination of a quote by Jonathan Edwards concerning the Christian family. This week I want to look at the second phrase in the paragraph.

“Every Christian family ought to be as it were a little church, consecrated to Christ, and wholly influenced and governed by His rules. And family education and order are some of the chief means of grace. If these fail, all other means are likely to prove ineffectual. If these are duly maintained, all the means of grace will be likely to prosper and be successful.”

According to Webster’s, the word consecrated, used in the context of this phrase, means “to make or declare sacred; to devote irrevocably to the worship of God by a solemn ceremony.” To consecrate something means to dedicate it to God for His glory and for His purposes. In the Old Testament we can read about consecration ceremonies taking place in which people, animals, buildings, and material possessions are declared sacred and set apart for God’s use.

In Exodus 13, the firstborn children and animals of Israel are consecrated to the Lord at Passover. In Exodus 29, Aaron and his sons are consecrated to the Lord to serve Him as priests in the tabernacle. In Joshua chapter 6, the silver, gold, and bronze taken from fallen Jericho were consecrated to the Lord for “His treasury.” The act of consecration is a solemn and serious undertaking. It signifies a person’s acknowledgement of God’s rightful ownership of and sovereign headship over a person or object under their care.

With this in mind, what about your home? Is your home a sacred place dedicated to Christ and His service? Do you desire Him to be the sovereign Lord of your home and do you want it to be set apart for His glory? Whether you are a single adult living alone or a mom and dad with multiple children, you can plan and conduct a private consecration service for your home.

It may look something like this; Have your family gather together in a central location of your home for the reading of Scripture and for prayer. You may want to use Matthew 7:21-27, 1 Chronicles 29:10-14, Deuteronomy 6:4-9, or Ephesians 5:22-6:4 as possible Scripture readings.

Your prayer time can consist of praying for the physical and spiritual protection of your home and family; the dedication of yourself and your family members to fulfill the roles and responsibilities God has given through His word; the acknowledgement that He is the owner and ruler of all your possessions and the foundation of all healthy family relationships; and that in your home you desire Christ to be exalted and the Holy Spirit free to control and guide the life of each family member. You can commemorate this event by purchasing a framed Bible verse, picture, plaque, or figurine and placing it in a prominent area of your home.

Having a private time of consecration is only the beginning. Daily our lives and homes must be surrendered to the Lordship of Christ. Through His direction and enablement, our homes may not become problem free but, they can become bastions of God’s grace and mercy. They can become channels through which Christ receives the glory and honor due His name.

David

Is Your Family a Little Church

The great pastor and theologian of the 18th century, Jonathan Edwards, once said in regard to family life:

“Every Christian family ought to be as it were a little church, consecrated to Christ, and wholly influenced and governed by His rules. And family education and order are some of the chief means of grace. If these fail, all other means are likely to prove ineffectual. If these are duly maintained, all the means of grace will be likely to prosper and be successful.”

There are several points that Edwards makes in this statement which I believe are extremely important for parents and their children to understand. Each phrase is unambiguous, deep in meaning, and biblically based. Over the next few weeks I want to explore this short paragraph one phrase at a time to glean from it the truths it contains.

Today, I want to look at the opening phrase that says, “Every Christian family ought to be as it were a little church.” When we understand why the church exists we can easily see how the family can and should be likened to a little church. The church has three primary functions. First, it exists for the praise and worship of God. Paul instructs the body of believers at Colossae to “sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs with thanksgiving in your hearts to God.” (Colossians 3:16) The heart of every believer should overflow both privately and corporately with worship, thanksgiving, and adoration of our one true God.

Second, the church exists to nurture and build up believers to maturity in the faith. Ephesians 4:12-13 says that gifted men were given to the church “for the equipping of the saints for the work of service, to the building up of the body of Christ; until we all attain to the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a mature man, to the measure of the stature which belongs to the fullness of Christ.” Spiritual maturity is promoted when the Word of God is taught accurately and intently, then application is made by the believer through faith and the power of the Holy Spirit.

Third, the church exists to fulfill the Great Commission and the Great Commandment. It is primarily the ministry of the church to make the name of Christ known locally and globally through missions and evangelism (Matthew 28:19; Acts 1:8). Along with this, the church is to be God’s instrument of mercy by caring for the poor and needy in the name of Christ (Acts 11:29; 1 John 3:17).

Based upon these three functions, every parent can determine if their home is operating like a little church by asking these three questions: Is my family praising and worshiping God together? Are my family members maturing in their faith at home through training and instruction in the Word of God? Is my family actively making Christ known by sharing their faith with others and by ministering to those in need? If not, then your home has been reduced to a place where individual interests and schedules set the family’s priorities. When this happens, godly pursuits always get squeezed out of the picture and become add-on activities if time allows.

I hope your home is now, or will become, a “little church” that is “consecrated to Christ.” We will look at this second phrase next time.

David

An Adoption Story

Families on Mission

I am really excited about several aspects of the new direction our church is taking with family ministry. Close to the top of the list is the fact that we are making a concerted effort to provide more opportunities for families to serve on mission trips together. I have had the privilege of going on several mission trips with my daughters when they were in the youth department and once Sherron and I assisted on the same trip. I know from experience what a positive impact that had on each of us as we served and evangelized together. I do regret never having the opportunity for my entire family to go together.

The Georgia Family Mission Trip has been a great success the last couple of years. This coming November families with youth will be going to New York City to work with the homeless over the Thanksgiving holiday. This is just the beginning because I hope, in the not too distant future, we can schedule an international family trip.

There are multiple reasons why this is exciting from my perspective. First, we are breaking the trend of almost always segregating families when it comes to church related activities. Second, it allows the church and home to lock arms together to fulfill the Great Commission that our Savior has left for us accomplish. Third, in the context of family, missions is more likely to become a lifestyle rather than an event. And fourth, it allows parents to model a servant spirit, kingdom mindset, and evangelistic zeal in front of their own children.

In the past, our youth pastors and ministry leaders along with a few adult chaperones filled the position of modeling missions before our youth. While I would not hesitate pointing to these folks as role models, they should never take the place of the primary role models – the parents. What a great opportunity for parents to live out in front of their children the life that Christ has called each of us to live for His glory!

Ask any group of teenagers, churched or unchurched, who has the most influence on their spiritual development and the #1 and #2 answers will overwhelmingly be mom and dad. It is estimated that parents have three times more influence on their children than any other source. The question is this, is that influence recognized and purposefully implemented in the home? When a godly parent seeks to teach through both word and example, their children will be effected in a positive way.

I hope that many of our church families will take advantage of the opportunities ahead to do missions work together. There is no substitute for parental influence in the life of our children and our children’s children.

Psalm 78:5-7
“For He established a testimony in Jacob
And appointed a law in Israel,
Which He commanded our fathers
That they should teach them to their children,
That the generation to come might know, even the children yet to be born,
That they may arise and tell them to their children,
That they should put their confidence in God
And not forget the works of God,
But keep His commandments.”

David

Making Wise Family Media Choices

Someone asked me recently if I thought parenting was getting more and more difficult. Without hesitation my answer was “YES!” Though there are several reasons I believe this, my primary concern stems from the bombardment of media choices presented to families today. On a 24/7 basis, visual images and life messages stream into Christian homes through television, movies, music venues, video games, internet sites, books, magazines, and even cell phone usage. Most of those images are harmful and the life messages almost always contradict a biblical world view.

More than ever before, parents must stay informed of what their children are watching and listening to and what is going on in the culture around them. Because of the shear volume of media opportunities this is no easy task to undertake. I have cautioned parents not to go the easy “isolationist” route and simply say no to everything. There are two reasons behind this advice. One is that it relieves the parent of doing the hard work of discipling their children on how to live in a fallen world without being contaminated by it. Two, it can lead to violating the first portion of Ephesians 6:4 which says “And fathers, do not stir up anger in your children.” This can happen through placing unreasonable demands and restrictions upon children.

While there must be limits in every Christian home concerning media consumption, it is always best to have a clearly defined and communicated guide that everyone in the house abides by and understands. The following list of questions can help provide a “filter” for parents to use to help scrutinize media choices and also provide an avenue for discussing those choices with their children. This really helps when parents must say “no” because it shows your child that your decision is not unreasonable but well thought out and purposeful.

Questions to Help You Make Wise Media Choices:

 Would you consider the main characters to be positive role models?
 Does the overall moral and spiritual message contradict a biblical worldview?
 Are real consequences to sin exposed or is sinful behavior celebrated?
 How are relationships and love portrayed?
 How are Christians, religion, the church, the family, and God portrayed?
 Does the language honor God and people?
 If violence is included, how is it presented?
 How much and what kind of sexual activity is implied and/or depicted?
 Are the visual images dark, sensual, or gratuitous?
 Is the media (video games, television, cell phone, internet) consuming too much time that could be used more productively?

In closing, let me caution a couple of things with using this list. First, realize that parents will apply these questions differently while making media choices for their own family. Even using these common questions may result in some parents deeming a media opportunity as unacceptable while others may not. Second, you will never be able to completely shield your child from negative images and messages. For example, you may go to see an acceptable movie at the theater and then be inadvertently exposed to something unacceptable in the previews of coming attractions. The same goes for commercials on television. I suggest you use these times as teachable moments. *Third, some movies, TV shows, or books that may have slightly questionable content may be worth watching along with an older child or teen because it could provide a bridge to speak openly with them about the spiritual implications of the content.

The goal is to teach our children to develop their own media “filter”. We want them to leave our home some day knowing how to live in and engage a fallen world with the Gospel without being contaminated by it.

David

* Added on 3/30 - I felt it might be best for clarity to name a few movies or books that I felt would fall under this category such as: Remember the Titans, October Sky, Bella, The Chronicles of Narnia movies, The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, or The Rookie. All these have strong moral and/or spiritual implications that can be used to promote family discussions. Every parent should still discern the value to viewing them as a family and all are obviously too intense for younger children.

Teach Them God's Word

In my estimation, the weakest area of spiritual nurture in the Christian home is parents that neglect their responsibility to teach and explain the Bible to their children (Eph. 6:4; Deut. 6:6-7). There are a few parents I am aware of who make a daily habit of reading the Bible to their children. There are even fewer, I believe, that take the time to explain the meaning and application of what they are reading. As a Christian educator, one of the first lessons I had to come to terms with was just because I was teaching it did not necessarily mean anyone was learning.

While reading the Bible to our children is definitely a worthwhile endeavor, how can we know if they are really learning? Even if memorization is taking place, can we be sure they are able to make proper application of the Word of God? I do think there is a teaching method where parents can be sure they are teaching the Bible fully and accurately and also know that their children are “getting it” as well. That method is teaching through catechism.

What is catechism? A catechism is a short book giving a brief summary of basic Bible doctrine using a question and answer format. Nearly everyone is familiar with catechism as a teaching method whether or not we know the meaning of the term. Most of us learned our addition facts and vocabulary words using this time tested method. Our teacher would ask us, "What is 2 plus 2?", and we would answer, "4". In the context of Bible study, our teacher might ask, "What is the first commandment?", and we would answer, "You shall have no other gods before Me." (NKJV) A catechism is a proven way to transfer important, foundational doctrines into our minds and hearts. (excerpt from J. Dan Boulton’s article Catechism- A Means for Learning and Teaching God’s Word)

Catechisms include teaching on such subjects as:
• The doctrines of God including His nature and attributes.
• The doctrines of man.
• The doctrines of grace, sin and salvation.
• The offices of Christ as prophet, priest and king.
• The Ten Commandments.
• The Lord's Prayer.
• The meaning and place of baptism and communion.
• The doctrines of resurrection, judgment and the Lord's second coming.

The most appealing aspect of teaching children through catechism is the fact that it is so simple. Parents can teach five questions and answers of the catechism at a time until they are memorized, read the accompanying Scripture verses, and in many instances use the content of those questions and answers as the topic of family prayer and praise time.

I am happy to let every parent know that through the Family Ministry, the church is making available, at cost, family devotional kits that utilize catechism material. The primary books we are using come from the Founders Ministry of the Southern Baptist Convention. There are three Truth and Grace Memory Books that are designated for different age levels. Each book contains a different Baptist Catechism with accompanying Scripture verses, Scripture memorization assignments, and the words to great hymns of the faith. One of the best things about these books is that they allow parents to teach and children to learn at their own pace.

You can purchase these books individually ($5.00) or together with the Family Devotional Kits our staff has put together ($24.00). The kits include one Truth and Grace Memory Book, the Family Worship book by Donald Whitney that expresses the theology of family worship, and the Hymns for Kith and Kin accompaniment CD that goes along with many of the hymns printed in the Truth and Grace books. If you are interested in getting any of these resources they will be made available in the church book store located at the Worship Center main entrance beginning Sunday, March 29th.

Grace and Peace,

David

P.S. If you are not a member of First Baptist Church or you attend our Fountain City Campus, let me know if you want any of these resources and I will get them to you.

Inexpensive Date Ideas

One of the issues that I have really tried to emphasis with married couples is for them to make sure they maintain the habit of dating. In today’s climate, not only is time at a premium but also there is the added issue of a failing economy. So, many couples feel they do not have the time or the money to go out on an occasional date together.

Dealing with the time issue is simple. If a couple has such a busy schedule they do not have time to spend with one another, they are too busy and need to cut back on some lesser important activities. Couples should dedicate at least 10-15 uninterrupted hours per week together and, I believe most can find that time if a true effort is made.

The financial issue is not so easy to overcome. It takes effort and creativity to find activities a couple can do together that are fun and will nurture the relationship. Just the typical dinner and movie night will cost no less than forty bucks. However, that is only attainable if the restaurant is relatively inexpensive and no food or drinks are purchased at the theater. So, is the only option available staying at home? While that may not be a bad idea at times, I think getting out and enjoying life together as a married couple is very important.

Today, I wanted to help out a little by suggesting some relatively inexpensive date night ideas.

• The University of Tennessee hosts a variety of events such as choir and band concerts, plays, topical lectures, forums, movie series, and exhibits. Many of these are very cheap or free. You can see the UT events calendar at http://www.utk.edu/events/events
• The Knoxville Museum of Art hosts a variety of exhibits throughout the year. Their information can be found on the internet at http://www.knoxart.org
• The City of Knoxville hosts a variety of events at the Worlds Fair Park and on Market Square Mall that are almost always free to the public. You can see a calendar of events at http://www.ci.knoxville.tn.us/events/events.pdf
• Check out a local High School sporting event, play, or musical presentation.
• Pack a picnic dinner and drive to the Smokey Mountains in the late evening to star gaze. On a clear nigh the sky is amazing. Find an overlook point, spread out your dinner and enjoy the scenery.
• Plan an old movie night. Many movie rental places carry older movies, some you may have already seen or have always wanted to but never have. Plan a simple meal, pop some popcorn for later, and curl up together to watch the movie.
• Plan a creative pizza night. Go to the store with your spouse and each of you separately choose ingredients to make a small pizza. Be creative with the ingredients by selecting things you have never had on a pizza before or that you think sounds good. Assemble and bake the two pizzas together then have a taste-off to see which is best.
• Take a digital camera and go to 10-12 unusual places around town and have strangers take pictures of you there. Prepare an album of the pictures and share them electronically with your friends.
• What about volunteering to help out a charitable cause you are both passionate about? There are plenty of great Christian agencies that are desperate for volunteers.

Of course, couples should be discerning when selecting events that are hosted by UT, The Knoxville Museum of Art, and the City of Knoxville. Some events may have questionable content or not provide a wholesome atmosphere.

I can hear some parents saying right now, what about the kids. Babysitters are a bulk of the expense when planning a date night. Here are a couple of suggestions. Why not have an agreement with another couple, or couples, to trade out babysitting for one another. Watch a friend’s children one night and let them watch your’s on another night. Another idea is to go together with another couple to offset the expense of the baby sitter. This will only work with small numbers of children and it helps if there is an older, more responsible child in the mix to help out the sitter.

In closing, I hope the state of the economy does not prevent FBC couples from going out on regular dates. Maybe some of the date ideas above will help you find a less costly way to spend time together.

David

Teach Them to Pray

One of the sweetest things any parent can experience is listening to their child pray. My children are adults now and it still warms my heart when I hear them simply pray for God to bless a meal we are sharing. In that same respect, one of the most fulfilling things a parent can experience is in teaching their child to pray.

Usually, parents begin teaching their preschool children to pray before meals and at bedtime which is a great place to start. This usually involves guiding them to thank God for specific people and blessings He has placed in their lives. The rounds include mentioning each family member by name, the family pet, a favorite toy, the baby sitter, or a friend next door. I especially like to hear what children come up with when they begin to freelance it. You never know what might be said when they openly express to God what is on their hearts.

Once a child starts elementary school, I think it is a good idea to begin teaching them a short, easy to remember, prayer guide. The guide I recommend comes from Pete Lord’s 29:59 prayer journal. It is called 29:59 because you can pray through the daily guides in about thirty-minutes but he did not want people to get legalistic about praying exactly thirty-minutes so he took one second off. This guide is easily adaptable to elementary and youth age children. Though your child will not be able to pray for thirty-minutes until they get older, they can gain an understanding about the important elements of prayer.


Here is a condensed 29:59 guide for children:

1. Let your child trace his hand on a sheet of art paper.
2. Tell your child that he can use his fingers to remember how to pray.
3. Over the thumb, write "Praise".
4. Tell your child to start her prayer by praising God in words or song.
5. Over the first finger, write "Thanksgiving".
6. Tell your child that next she can thank God for something He has done or provided.
7. Over the second finger, write "Confession".
8. Tell your child that, in prayer, it's good to tell God the things she has done wrong.
9. Over the third finger, write "Intercession".
10. Tell your child that he can close his prayer by asking God to help others who need Him.
11. Over the fourth finger, write "Petition".
12. Tell your child that next she should ask God for the things she needs, including asking for forgiveness for the things she confessed.
13. Across the palm of the hand, write “Listen”.
14. Tell your child that prayer is more than just talking to God, it also includes listening to what He has to say.
15. Put the picture up where it can be seen and remembered. When your child has it memorized, she will have the steps in prayer with her all the time.

If you are a parent and have not yet begun the process of teaching your child to pray, I hope this guide will help you get started. It is not too late even if you child is already out of elementary school. The investment made in teaching a child to pray will pay great benefits in their adult life later on.

David

Making the Most of "Teachable Moments"

When attempting to teach children biblical values, parents must realize that there is so much more involved than simply reading Bible stories to them and praying with them at bedtime. Now, please don’t think I am minimizing these two activities. I personally believe they are tremendously important to the spiritual development of a child. However, I also believe they are just the tip of the iceberg.

We have been told by experts that about 12.5 percent of an iceberg is visible above the waterline while the other 87.5 percent lurks below the surface. There is an indispensable parenting skill that, much like the bulk of an iceberg, often gets overlooked. That skill is seizing teachable moments. This is when a parent recognizes and takes advantage of opportunities, as they arise, to model biblical values in front of their children. Parents should be willing to say to their children the words that the Apostle Paul said to his children in the faith living in Corinth "Imitate me, just as I also imitate Christ" I Cor. 11:1

Today I am posting, by permission, an excerpt from a book written by Dr. Steven Carr Reuben titled CHILDREN OF CHARACTER: Leading Your Children to Ethical Choices in Everyday Life. Santa Monica, CA: Canter & Associates 1997. I believe Dr. Reuben hits the nail on the head!

One of the most important skills to nurture as a parent, is the ability to recognize and capitalize on "teachable moments" in everyday life. A teachable moment can happen almost anywhere - in the supermarket, when picking your child up from school, when walking through a shopping mall or setting the table for dinner. Chances are that many of the valuable moral lessons that you learned from your parents as a child were not consciously taught at all. They were rather learned in the midst of casual moments of real life, just as our children's real lessons come from being, living and interacting with us in a hundred different ways we could never predict in advance.

This is why an important key to teaching children ethical behavior is learning to recognize teachable moments through which your children can develop the habit of being aware of ethical challenges. For example, when you are checking out at the supermarket, and the checker inadvertently gives you too much change, or fails to charge you for an item in your cart, that is a teachable moment. As your child watches you point out the mistake or return the change, he or she learns in the most powerful way possible about honesty, integrity, good citizenship and being part of a society.

One of the most common teachable moments happens every time you drive your car with your kids inside. Think of all the lessons they are learning about life and being part the social fabric of the community just by riding in your car. You put on your seat belt, and they learn about personal responsibility and self-respect (after all, you care enough about yourself to protect your body); you let someone in to your lane on the freeway, and they learn about mutual respect for others and doing your part to help society run smoothly; you put money in the meter, stop at the stop sign and obey traffic rules and they learn about good citizenship. And imagine the lesson in caring behavior and ethics they might learn if they saw you putting money in a stranger's parking meter so that they don't get a ticket!

Home, school, work and play are all fertile ground for discovering teachable moments. If you arrive to pick up your child from school and you see a classmate's parents are late in coming, waiting with that child to be sure he or she is OK will teach your child the value of friendship, the importance of social responsibility. Of course one of the best ways to do that is to take your child along as you bring clothes to a homeless shelter, donate food to a foodbank or volunteer for community charity event. Even participating in walking precincts or making phone calls for political candidates will teach them a valuable lesson about citizenship and the importance of being part of the political process.

Finally, here are six keys to recognizing teachable moments:

1.Recognize that your children often learn moral lessons unconsciously,in casual moments.

2.Be aware of situations that represent moral choices.

3.Talk with your children about the ethical challenges represented in everyday situations, the media and popular culture.

4.Praise your children for their ethical choices.

5.Point out ethical behavior in others.

6.Let your children see your own thought processes regarding ethical decisions.

The Exchanged Life

One of the phrases that we often use in classes and messages is, “the exchanged life”. As near as I can tell, this phrase was first used by the pioneer missionary to China, Hudson Taylor. I think this is a great phrase to describe the Christian life. It would not be a bad translation of Romans 5:8 to say, “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died in exchange for us.”

When a person savingly believes in Jesus Christ, think of all the exchanges that take place: Christ exchanges His righteousness for our sin. 2 Corinthians 5:21 (NKJV) “For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.” We exchange our old life in Adam for His resurrection life. Romans 6:6 (NKJV) “knowing this, that our old man was crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves of sin.” Colossians 3:4 (NKJV) “When Christ who is our life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory.” We could go on and on with the exchange that takes place. We exchange our weakness for His strength; we exchange our deserved wrath from God as a son of Adam and receive in exchange adoption into God’s family and we become joint-heirs with Christ.

The exchanged life, however, is not just doctrinal truths; it is the practical way we walk in holiness and power daily. Daily, we reckon on what happened at the cross and count by faith that the old us, in Adam, that sin had dominion over is crucified with Christ (Romans 6:6, 11). We reaffirm the presentation of our body to Him in total surrender (Romans 12:1), and we walk through the day abiding in Christ which means that we live in a constant conscious dependence on Christ to empower and direct us. Every demand made on us throughout the day is in reality a demand on Christ in us and He is sufficient. This is the exchanged life. It is really just walking by faith. It is probably best summarized in Galatians 2:20 (NKJV) “I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.”

Most believers have somehow missed these “exchanged life” truths even though they are clearly taught in the New Testament. Most believers see the Christian life as simply trying as hard as you can and maybe asking God for a little help. This approach is a flesh empowered approach and always leads to frustration and failure. If this flesh approach is then taught to our children, the error perpetuates itself generation after generation. Some parents discover these exchanged life truths but believe that they are too deep to be understood by children. Actually children grasp these truths more quickly than do most adults because they do not have to unlearn years of programming that the Christian life is “grit your teeth and try as hard as you can”.

When a child comes to Christ, teach him what happened at the cross. His old man (nature) was crucified with Christ and while we still have the old man’s programming (the flesh), we have Christ in us to strengthen us to walk in victory over that flesh. Teach your children the truth as was phrased by Major Ian Thomas, “I can’t; He never said I could. He can and He said He would; I’m going to trust Him”.


Pastor Phil