Parenting With Purpose

Proverbs 22:6 is arguably the best known verse in the Bible on raising children. It says in the ESV, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” It also may be one of the most misapplied verses as well. When I was a young parent and a relatively new Christian, I remember thinking this verse was a promise I could hang my hat on. I believed it was telling me that if I raised my children to walk in God’s way I could rest assured that they would grow up to be godly, well behaved, and productive Christians. I even acknowledged that they might possibly stray some day but, I believed it would only be for a short time before returning to the right path.

Now, as a more mature Christian and better experienced parent, I realize that even our best parenting efforts sometimes do not produce the desired results in our children. So, I was left to answer the question, is Proverbs 22:6 misleading or, do I just need to better understand the nature of a proverb? One commentator I read helped shed some light by explaining, “A proverb is a literary device whereby a general truth is brought to bear on a specific situation. Many of the proverbs are not absolute guarantees for they express truths that are necessarily conditioned by prevailing circumstances.” In other words, a proverb is not a promise. It simply offers practical wisdom about the usual effects of certain actions and attitudes in specific situations.

I do not draw attention to this proverb to discourage parents. Rather, I believe it helps us step back for a moment and evaluate the underlying motive behind our parenting efforts. If raising children that will behave, show respect, and not cause us grief is the primary reason we follow biblical parenting principles, our motives need to be readjusted.

Why should we follow God’s direction to “raise up a child in the way he should go” or to “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord”? (Eph. 6:4) What should be our primary motive? First and foremost, it should be that God receive glory from our obedience to His instructions and commands. When we, in surrender and obedience, faithfully fulfill the role God has given us as Christian parents, His name is honored. If we do it simply because we might receive the blessing of well-behaved children, it reveals we are seeking God’s gifts rather than His glory.

Wanting to see our children grow up to be godly young men and women is not a bad motive. Wanting peace in our homes that stem from obedient and respectful children is not a bad motive. However, these should always be secondary motives. In addition, when we have God’s glory as our primary motivation, it helps us understand that He is in control of the results anyway. It takes the pressure off of us to produce the results only He can produce. Also, He may choose to use the pain stemming from a rebellious child to further conform us to the likeness of Christ. I hope you see that opportunities abound in child-rearing for God to reveal himself to you and to show Himself faithful in your life.

My closing word here is to follow hard after God as you parent, seek to glorify Him in all that you do, and then trust Him with the results. By doing this you will live out 1 Corinthians 10:31 which says, “Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”

David