Avoid Results Oriented Parenting

After making the statement “family education and order are some of the chief means of grace,” Jonathan Edwards goes on to speak to the potential effectiveness of following God’s plan for the home. He approaches “family education” and “order” from both a positive and a negative viewpoint.

Edwards first gives the negative perspective in the phrase, “If these fail, all other means are likely to prove ineffectual.” In other words, there are no adequate substitutes to replace God’s design for the home. His design promotes parents as the primary spiritual teachers and role models for their children and delegates roles and responsibilities to each family member. “If these fail,” any other design or system will show itself to be totally inadequate.

I think the warning here for Christians is to not allow common cultural practices, popular psychology, or man-made theories to influence how we order our homes and fulfill our God given responsibilities to the family. The pull and influence of the world system is strong and sometimes, even with the best intentions, Christians can be influenced by its values. The J.B. Phillips translation of Romans 12:2a says “Don't let the world around you squeeze you into its own mould.” I have personally waded that river while raising my children, so I know how strong the current can be. Always be alert to areas of your family life where those with non-biblical views of the home attempt to persuade you to conform to worldly values.

Next, Edwards expresses the positive perspective of family education and order when he says, “If these are duly maintained, all the means of grace will be likely to prosper and be successful.” I want to look at two elements of this statement. First, what are “all the means of grace” and second, why does Edwards say they “will be likely to prosper?”

Pastor Bob Deffinbaugh Th.M says "The “means of grace” that the Bible talks about are His Word (“the word of His grace,” Acts 20:32), His Spirit (“the Spirit of grace,” Hebrews 10:29), prayer made to the “throne of grace” (Hebrews 4:16), and the grace that is given to the saints which enables them to build up another (Ephesians 4:7; 1 Peter 4:10)." So, if family education and order are in place (“duly maintained”), God’s Word, God’s Spirit, prayer, and God’s enabling will be free to function abundantly in the lives of each family member.

But, what does Edwards mean when he says that these means of grace are “likely to prosper and be successful?” Some may not appreciate the use of the word “likely”! The thought may be “If I do the hard work of duly maintaining family education and order according to God’s plan, shouldn’t I be able to expect some guaranteed results?” This is where parents must take comfort and assurance in the fact that God is sovereign over their children and their home. My personal experience tells me that dedicated and committed Christian parents can sometimes raise a rebellious and wayward child. My experience also tells me that half-hearted and lukewarm Christian parents can sometimes raise a godly, Kingdom-minded child. Seriously, I can give you names!

What does Edward’s use of the word “likely” leave us with? I think it should cause us to examine our motives for duly maintaining family education and order. If our primary motivation is to raise children that never rebel and that will end up being pastors or missionaries, that is a bad primary motive! It is a good secondary motive but not a primary one. The primary motivation of Christian parenting is to honor and glorify God through our obedience to His commands and instructions..

You see, even if a godly parent flawlessly follows biblical guidelines, God may allow them to have a rebellious child for any multitude of reasons. But, according to Romans 8:28, if that happens, we can be assured that it will always be in order for God to bring about good in some form. Where parents can find the comfort I spoke of earlier is in knowing that God is not going to hold them accountable for how their children turn out. He is however, going to hold them accountable for their faithfulness and obedience to the process of biblical parenting. That is the only part of parenting anyone has complete control over anyway! So, I would encourage parents to focus on lining up their parenting style and the order of their home with the biblical model and leave the results God wants to produce up to Him.

As a word of encouragement, the word “likely” also carries with it the idea of there being a strong possibility of success. When parents see to the spiritual development of their children and order their homes according to God’s design for the purpose of glorifying Him, His grace will flow into our homes and will typically produce wonderful results. I believe this means that when we follow God’s plan, well-behaved children and strong marriages will be the norm.

Well, I hope you have been encouraged by this study of Jonathan Edwards quote concerning the Christian home. I also hope that you will seek to honor God through your obedience to the biblical principles it contains.

David