Did God Intend for Marriage to be Difficult?

Like many Christians couples, Sherron and I began our marriage hoping and praying for a peaceful home and a relationship relatively free of significant problems. We were not naive enough to think we would have a problem free marriage but, we did think we had it in us to keep trouble at a minimum. I thought we could maintain our happiness as we met each other's needs and tried to ensure the flame of romance kept burning. Now, after 29-years of living life together, I realize those earlier hopes and prayers were misguided. You see, those prayers were what I would call "make my life easier" prayers. The motive behind them was my desire for God to make my home life as comfortable and convenient as possible.

After years of learning hard but irreplaceable lessons, I have come to believe that God intends for marriage to be a difficult journey. He knew that sin would enter the world through the Fall, yet He left in place the institution of marriage. His design is for a surrendered but sinful man and woman to live in a life-long covenant relationship that reflects His nature and Christ's relationship with His Bride the Church. There is something more that God intends to produce through marriage than a peaceful problem free home. He is more concerned with the personal holiness of a husband and wife than He is their momentary happiness?

I have come to believe that marriage, like no other arena of life, is designed to be the primary environment in which God operates to conform us to the image of His Son (Romans 8:29). It is His gymnasium where spiritual endurance and strength are produced in the lives of His children. On a daily basis marriage tests our patience, challenges our selfishness, stirs our emotions, and stretches our faith! It consistently pushes us past our own abilities to handle situations in a godly manner. It reveals that we must either depend upon the resources the Holy Spirit provides or drown in our own self efforts.

Often, God uses the difficulties of marriage to bring to the surface our underlying attitudes and heart issues which displease Him and are poisonous to our relationships. He does this so that we can deal with them appropriately through confession and repentance. I firmly believe that God allows us to endure the trials and pressures of married life in order to prepare us for heaven. Through those times, God is patiently refining and purifying us. They help close the gap between our heavenly positional holiness in Christ and our conditional holiness that is expressed in our attitudes and actions of daily life.

God intends marriage to produce good in our lives so, no matter the level of difficulties yours carries, see it as a blessing from God. It is one of His means of producing holiness and Christ-likeness in your life. Begin to pray "transform me" prayers instead of "make my life easier" prayers. Only then can anyone truly appreciate and cooperate with what God is trying to produce through their marriage relationship.

David

P.S. I feel it necessary to add that those in physically abusive relationships should seek counseling and by all means protect themselves from harm. If you are in this type of relationship, the Counseling Ministry of First Baptist Church would like to help. You can contact us at (865)947-9074.